I'm currently writing this on the train to Edinburgh, and I'm absolutely my-eyeballs-ache shattered. I had one of those nights where you know you have to get up in, say 4 hours, and yet you absolutely cannot fall asleep. I just lay there, looking at the clock every so often, thinking "well that's another hour of sleep I can't get back". Very frustrating. But hey, I'm on the train now, and everything's good after a little nap [although I really wouldn't recommend travelling with weights in your suitcase. Surprisingly heavy, who'd have thought?] and I'm just itching to arrive. I think it's manifesting physically, I feel weirdly itchy.
I went out for a meal last night, and on the drive home my friend and I got onto the subject of worrying. I've been going through a phase in my life when things really seem to be affecting me. I can worry about little things, like whether I'm going to remember the alarm code for work, or whether I've posted that letter off, but then I can also worry about really improbable things, such as when my parents were a bit late back from travelling on the motorway, my mind began wandering to all sorts of horrible scenarios.
Cursed with the imagination that I have, I wasn't content to merely sit and think about that, oh no, but all the repercussions that might follow; how it would affect my studies, how we would cope financially, would I have to stay at home and care gor my family, would I go completely insane with all this worrying.
I think it all links back to the all the crime at the minute. It seems like everytime I open a paper nowadays, someone's been stabbed, or beaten to death, or a child has has a horrible accident. It probably doesn't help that my parents get the Daily Mail at home. Consequently I also feel very passionately about immigration. Or not.
These situations can't be avoided really, which is the part that scares me. We have no way of controlling our environment, or the people around us, and so I feel rather helpless in it all. I can't prevent any of it from happening. My friend has the advice that I should "just not think about it", which is all good and well, but not so easily done as said. And I think a little bit of fear is probably healthy, keeps you on your toes and all that nonsense. I guess the most I can do is try to keep my mind out of the fog [ie ipod] and actually pay attention to what goes on around me. And stop worrying.