Confession. I may have gone SLIGHTLY overboard with this whole autumnal thing. I've got seasonal boozes infusing in my cupboard [except I haven't checked on them for about 2 weeks and now I'm scared to. I know they haven't exploded, that's enough, right?], I've made at least 3 batches of brownies, my local postman has been despairing at the numerous crafting things I've bought online, and I've carved six pumpkins in the last two weeks. Yes, six. Also, I got up early on Saturday to go out collecting leaves, like I'm in an episode of Art Attack or something.
But how's everyone been? Any exciting news? Any near death experiences? Well, in another instalment of the ongoing series why-Emily-shouldn't-be-allowed-to-drive, I crashed my car! I basically Tokyo Drift-ed round a corner and ended up spinning slightly out of control and coming nose-to-wall with a large concrete part of the Clyde Tunnel. On one hand, I'm glad there wasn't anyone around because I would undoubtably been injured, but on the other hand I did such a badass immediate three point turn and carried on that it seems a shame that no-one witnessed my bad-assery. And then I got my car clamped.
It's not all been crashes and clamps though, I've also successfully threw a ball this month! I decided that my hospital should have a big ceilidh [translation for non-Scots; this is a big enforced dancing thing, like in Pride & Prejudice. I am not a massive fan] with lots of free flowing booze and potential for hilarity/future blackmail. And in the early hours of a dull nightshift, I decided that the person to arrange all of this would be me. To paraphrase How I Met Your Mother, a decision made after 2am is not a good decision. Unless it's regarding patient care, in which case you go right ahead and give that poor man some oxygen and stop faffing around.
Despite a few sleepless nights, and last minute carving of stamps and hand-writing place cards [why do I do this to myself??] everything went smoothly, and EVEN luckier, the person in charge of the alcohol wasn't stingy with the wine. That person may or may not have been me. [Cue red wine emoji. Followed by dancing salsa woman].
I went on my first [and last] Tinder date, with a guy who turned out to be more into Gordon Brown than me, who isn't even the best Gordon, if you ask me. Gordon Ramsey > Gordon Brown in terms of interesting date chat. When you spend around 2 hours discussing the referendum, and he refers to him by name, i.e. 'sorry I'm late, Gordon wanted a word', the writing is kind of on the wall there. If you've managed to find this, Gordon-Brown-lover [you know who you are], then take this as constructive criticism. Gordon is not sexy.
Put off by Gordon, as I imagine most people are, I committed myself fully to autumnal activities. Slow-cooking casseroles? Check. Planning Christmas presents? Check. Learning to play the ukelele to prepare myself for opportune moments round campfires? Check. And I became addicted to pumpkins. There's something infinitely satisfying about ripping out its innards, reaching in with bare hands to pull out lumps of seeds and stringy flesh, scraping it out with spoons to achieve optimum hollow-ness. Then something equally soothing about patiently carving away, bit by bit, to achieve something beautiful. Or a crooked face. Whatever floats your boat.
But now Halloween is nearly over, I'm feeling some anxiety. What can I carve now? Butternut squash? Large turnips? Something Christmassy like sprouts? Well, to ease you into the post-October 31st lull, I've got some Hallow's Eve-themed songs for you. Enjoy. And keep carving.
Mister Wives - Coffins
Of Monster and Men - Skeletons [Yeah Yeah Yeahs cover]
House of Bread - The Grave Visitor Pt. II
Dead Man's Bones - My Body's A Zombie For You
Dead Man's Bones - Pa-Pa-Power
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Beat The Devil's Tattoo